It makes ALL the difference!

I don't really know where to start and how to express myself. It is such a simple thing. It may not seem like anything special or important. As a Mormon, we talk about it a lot, read it on almost every page in the Book of Mormon and probably have this single word somewhere in our house. I don't think it was until I went through this experience that I truly understood it for myself.

Faith.

We hear about it all the time, we talk about it and read talk after talk after talk from general authorities about it. But do I truly know what faith is? I think I have began to understand this simple yet magnificently deep principle. It has made ALL the difference for me. After going through the experience I talked about below and others that I haven't written, the pain of miscarriage has been decreased so much that it has almost disappeared. Through faith my pain has disappeared and in it's place is a reassurance and a joy that brings a smile to my face every time I think of it. But I can't tell you exactly how, when or what it is because I truly feel that faith is different for every person. However, gaining my faith has brought so much peace and happiness to my soul. I know without a doubt that my Heavenly Father will keep his promises and that each day and each miscarriage brings me closer to the promises I have been given. The feelings I have felt remind me of this scripture that I love:

"...I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in Godeven so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day."

This is so true. I have found that when my faith/trust is less than it should be, I feel more encompassed about by pain and hurt from my trials. But when I put my trust and faith in Heavenly Father, the pain disperses and my joy and love for my Savior increases and even though I still might miscarry in the future, I feel that I have been delivered from the pain of this trial. It is so simple, but faith has made all of the difference for me.

Also, last night my hubby and I both had a very special spiritual experience together regarding our children. I won't go into detail, but what I did want to write about was something I realized as I recorded it in my journal. If we had not been reading our scriptures as a family and saying family prayers, this experience would not have happened. After this experience, I realized that the Lord does use small and simple means to bring about the important. It was through the simple act of reading scriptures together, that a great experience happened.

You know they say that sometimes people need something big to really bring them to Christ and increase their faith. Well, I know that this is supposed to help me and I really feel that this experience is teaching me more than I would in any other experience. Looking back at who I was when I started and who I am today, I can really understand what the Lord meant when He told me that this experience is for my good. Honestly, I wouldn't change the past. I wouldn't give up the growing and the relationship I have with my Savior for our children when they weren't supposed to come. I can see now that this experience would teach me so much and the Lord truly is all knowing. I was also told in a blessing that this experience would help me children and my posterity and I am beginning to see how that is possible. My hubby and I were talking about all the stories and the miracles we have experienced that we can tell our children about our journey of bringing them to our family. I think those stories, the miracles and the spiritual experiences we have had about them will help them understand how special they are and many other things. It sure is interesting to look back though and see how different I am from the beginning to now... But through it all, and all the things that I have learned through this experience is that we should truly rely on the scriptures. I was just thinking about how much this has helped and wanted to share a chapter that I have decided to read everyday on top of my daily reading. It is Ether chapter 12 and it talks all about the importance of faith in our life. It is a gem. But this little sentance has been such a strength to me: "And they obtained not the promise until AFTER their faith." This has helped me realize that I have promises made from the spirit and that these will only come until after I have faith. This has helped me at times when the adversary tries to destroy my faith to stay strong and not give in to despair.

It really has made all the difference.

"And neither at any time hath any wrought miracles until AFTER their faith..." Ether 12: 18
"...For I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supposed in their trials." Alma 36:3