"Follow Me"

The other day my hubby and I were walking to the car in the parking lot and it had been a long day so I was really tired. So I closed my eyes and told my hubby to lead me to the car. We decided to play a game. He told me I wasn't allowed to open my eyes at all and just had to trust him to lead me to the car. So I played along and didn't last very long. I would feel the ground go up a little and open my eyes. I would see the shadow of the telephone poles through my eyelids and I was afraid I was going to run in to something and open my eyes. Every little thing at first would make me stop, open my eyes and lose trust that my hubby would never let me run in to something. Even though I completely, 100 % trust him, I was still scared and would still open my eyes to make sure he was really watching. We were laughing so hard, because it was so riduculous that I kept opening my eyes just because the light changed.

So finally after a couple times of me stopping & opening my eyes, we changed the rules of the game so that I was not allowed to open my eyes at all. That was so hard! There were times when I was tempted to open my eyes and I would slow down or just stop until I was okay to keep going. But after awhile, I realized I was totally safe. Also, my hubby was laughing at me because I would keep pulling him the way I thought the car was, when it was completely in the opposite direction that I thought it wasSo then he would laugh and just put me on the right path. And the little fears that I would trip on something or run into something would make me cower and grab a hold of him. But when I would actually hold tighter to his arm rather than stop walking completely, I would gain more trust in him to safely lead me to the car. But the weirdest thing was when we finally made it to our goal (the car) and I opened my eyes. I looked back to where I had first closed my eyes and while he was leading me with my eyes closed it felt like we had been walking forever and seemed so much longer than it should be. I thought for sure he was taking me a long way to tease me. But looking back as I was waiting for my hubby to open my door, I realized it really wasn't that long at all and he took the most direct shot to the car. At that moment, it was almost as if we had stimulated my trial (and this can apply to anyone else trials no matter what it is) and all of these realizations hit both of us at the same time. I realized this:

1. The road can somedays seem so long (like some of the days at the beginning of the semester for me when I was trying to decide about my major) and some times I wonder why it has to take so long and why I have to hit so many (what I think are) roadblocks to have our children. Somedays I am weak, I get tired of "walking" and I feel like it is going forever & taking to long. But I know that I will look back and realize it wasn't that long and it was the most "direct" (or right) path for me. I thought for sure my hubby was taking me on the longest path back to the car, but it wasn't the case at all. I know I will look back and see that the Lord was taking me the way I need to go. Also, sometimes I would pull the opposite way because I was sure that the quickest way to the car was not where he was leading me. But how could I have known?? I couldn't see, but yet I still thought I knew the way. How many times during a trial do we think that we know the best way for us to go? I realized that I am sure I pull more than I think, assuming that I know the best/quickest way for me to get to my goal. But just as I couldn't see because my eyes were closed, I cant see where I am going now and so just as I stopped pulling after I realized I really had no idea where I was going, all of us (and me included!!) need to stop pulling the Lord the way we think we "should" go. Because we are blind to our future and what really is best, we need to trust in the one who is not blind to our future and what really is best.

2. When the road would become uneven or light was changed because a telephone pole was blocking the sun for an instant, I would stop because I was afraid that mu hubby might run me into something and I might hurt myself. I thought back of all the times that I get scared because someone or something tells me something that makes me lose hope/faith, or I get discouraged, or I get scared of the future (wondering how many more miscarriages are in my future), or the unknown stresses me out etc. just because of something that I think is there and it's not. I get scared of the shadows of different ominous aspects of this trial (like getting scared that there are no kids in my future which would make the Lord & Heavenly Father & the Holy Ghost complete liars which I KNOW they are not) even though they are not in my path at all. In reality there was no telephone pole in my path to the car, but I was scared there was just because of a shadow. How many times are we afraid of little shadows that really are nothing to be scared of? How many times do we let these little shadows stop our progress because we allow fear to replace faith? I realized that we have so many fears in our lives, so many stresses but if we are being led by Christ and ALLOW his to be led, then our fears are just "shadows".

3. my hubby had his eyes open and he loves me more than I have ever dreamed I could be loved. And the amazing thing is, Heavenly Father loves me more than anyone else could love me. Considering this, I can know without a doubt that just as my hubby took me on the best possible path to the car that my Heavenly Father will also take me on the best possible path through life. This knowledge is why I KNOW that Heavenly Father loves me even though I am going through this trial. I can know that He will watch my path very closly and keep me safe and only let me go through the things that are the best for me.

I am walking this path with the Lord and I know that I am not alone at any second of this path I am on right now. I am being led, blessed and upheld as I walk blindfolded down this path.

Also, after my hubby talked about all the ways that experience was like life I thought of a poem I was given in a class last year. I will post it later tonight after I get home from a meeting.

"Have you ever wondered what it must have been like to have lived in the days of the Savior? If you had been there, would you have heeded His call “Follow me”? Perhaps a more realistic question might be, “If the Savior were to call you today, would you be just as willing to leave your nets and follow Him?"
--Joseph B. Wirthlin