Just one of those days.

I am eating ice cream.
Yes, I had an off day today.

I don't know why, but I just did. Once again, it had everything to do with losing hope and getting afraid of what is ahead. I had a pretty unproductive day because of having a hard time too. One of the few days this has happened too. Kinda upset with myself, because I kept doing what I know I shouldn't: relying on the arm of flesh (aka: reading things on the internet that steal my hope away). Why do I always do that? Who knows. I think I might ban myself from doing that...

I am also having a hard time not being stressed about the fact we have waited 8 months (since our last miscarriage) to get pregnant again. And that is to today, and we haven't even decided when we want to start. It stresses me out that time is passing, but yet we have both felt strongly we need to go to the doctor, find things out and not try until we have some things to possibly help the next pregnancy. So luckily that doesn't make me regret it. But still, time is passing, and it scares me. If I would have gotten pregnant 3 months after our miscarriage, like I could have, I would have been about 3 months pregnant. But, I have learned from many experiences, I should not ignore any whisperings from the spirit when it comes to my situation. Still, time passing is scary in this situation...

But I actually had a wonderful thing happen as I talked to Richard. We both shared some very strong feelings that we have, which gave me a lot of comfort. It is nice to hear some of the things that he feels, when I am having a hard time. We had a very spiritual conversation, sharing some of the things the spirit has witnessed to us regarding our very special children. That helped me a lot, realizing that if I need to go through this in order to be a better mother for my children, then so be it. But, it is still hard on days like today when the little stabs don't seem to stay in the background of my mind.

After talking to Richard he said something that really helps me. He said "at least we have each other" and it is so true. At least I have my wonderful, amazing, perfect husband that is my biggest strength, second only to my Savior and His peace through the spirit.

But when this trial is over and we finally have our children, these are the kind of days that I won't miss very much. Just these normal days when nothing out of the norm happens, but when the little stabs go a tad bit deeper.

"Cast... all your care upon him; for he careth for you"
--1 Peter 5:7