"There was an old man whose only wealth was the one horse he owned. One day his horse escaped and took off into the mountains. His friends and neighbors came to comfort him saying, "old man, what bad luck you have had." The man replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who can say?" A week later, the horse returned and brought with him a whole herd of wild, mountain horses. the mans wealth was suddenly increased beyond measure. His friends and neighbors came to rejoice with him saying, "Old man, what good luck you have had." The man replied, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who can say?" The next day, when the man's son was trying to break in the wild horses, one of the horses threw him, causing him to break his leg. His friends and neighbors came to bring him comfort saying, "Old man, what bad luck you have had." The man replied, "Bad luck? good luck? Who can say?" The next day, the army came to town to forcibly draft all the young men to go fight in a bloody war from which few of them would return. However, the army did not take the old man's son; he was allowed to stay home because he was crippled. The man's friends and neighbors came to rejoice with him saying, "Old man, what good luck you have had." The man replied "Good luck? Bad luck? Who can say?"
Good words to live by. This is totally how I feel. Who ever hears about my past with miscarriages gives me that exact same response "What bad luck you have had." But really, is it bad luck? I don't think so. I mean really, if someone has faith in Christ and his power over our lives, we would understand it isn't bad luck but that that pregnancy wasn't supposed to work out. Look at it this way: because I didn't become a mom 15 months ago I will be able to graduate college. That one thing shows that that wasn't bad luck or even really a bad thing. I mean yes it's hard, but bad? I don't think so. I think I am done looking at things as black or white. This situation or that situation as bad or good. They are just doors opening and opportunities to recognize the Lords hand in my life. Honestly, it's hard for me when I tell people about it and get that same response. I know that I should respond "yeah it is really bad luck" but I don't feel that way. It's not bad luck. Just like the story, because this has happened, other good things will occur. Ultimately this trial will (hopefully...this is what I am working towards everyday) make me the person that I am supposed to be so that I can return to my Heavenly Father in exaltation. So in essence, this scripture outlines my outlook (I made this to put up on my wall because I love this scripture):
This trial is just a means to an end. Just like all the old mans experiences. The horse leaving led to a situation where his sons life was spared. So these trials will make me a better and more faithful person who (yes this is my goal and I am totally not there yet, but working everyday to be better) will be exalted and live forever with my family sealed to me. So, is it really bad luck? No, I really don't think so.
On another topic, I went to the doctors here on campus to get my results of my blood test. She said my thyroid is totally perfect (like it always is when they test it) but my adrenal gland was a little high. She said she doesn't know what that means for me and my miscarriages (aka: she can't decide if I need medicine etc. because she doesn't do infertility). So I go to the doctor tomorrow to see what this means...if I will need medication etc. But here is the thing I am worried about: I took the test during my most non-stress semester and still, my cortisol levels were high. So, I am worried that if next semester with my really packed and scary schedule if the stress levels will be higher. Here is this is why I am worried:
"The word progesterone means “for gestation,” which means that women, you need this hormone in its right balance if you want be become pregnant and stay pregnant. Progesterone nourishes the uterine lining in preparation of the implanted fertilized egg. It is progesterone that continually feeds and nourishes the uterus during pregnancy. Unfortunately, constant stress causes a decrease in your progesterone levels. When you are constantly in that “fight or flight” mode because of stress, your adrenal glands will produce additional cortisol and adrenaline. This is a normal bio-chemical process. The problem is that in order to make cortisol, your adrenal glands need progesterone. This causes your progesterone to be used in making your stress hormones, as opposed to what it is designed to do —support your pregnancy. The adrenal glands cannot make cortisol without progesterone. Often referred to as the ‘progesterone steal,’ your body will steal however much progesterone it needs to make cortisol. This is one of the primary reasons some women are having a hard time with infertility and miscarriages; they don’t have enough progesterone available to conceive or maintain a pregnancy. The body is designed for survival, and when you are constantly in that “fight or flight” mode, it is more important for the body to run away from the saber-tooth tiger than it is to have a baby. The constant demand for cortisol is going to reduce your levels of progesterone. Inadequate levels of progesterone not only interfere with the reproductive process, but that lack of progesterone is another reason so many women struggle with PMS, hot flashes, and night sweats— progesterone is being stolen away to make cortisol. The progesterone steal causes a deficiency." (Here is the article it came from)
I don't want to add anymore reason for this pregnancy not to work out. I am going to talk to the doc about if taking off a semester the next time I get pregnant might help. But then I am not wanting to get behind a semester in graduating. However, This is what I realized. Where are my priorities? Honestly, they have been in school a little too much than they should I think. It's always about getting straight A's and working as hard as I can...even when pregnant. I really don't know if this has any effect on the miscarriages, but with my adrenal gland being a little high and with 3 miscarriages under my belt, I want to do all I can to help this one work out. So I have also decided to try and change my major to something that will help me graduate sooner. Instead of having 24 credits left I will have 12. We will see how that works. I have decided to do this so that I can graduate, get school finished and then completely concentrate on starting a family. I think this puts our family in the right priority and if school is finished then I won't be tempted to put school ahead of a family. But...if I don't get my major changed then c'est la vie and I will just continue in my degree until I am done in July. And also, I can rest assured that is what I am supposed to do considering all the prayer I have put into it. So we will see! Wow, sorry for the post of the century...
"The test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well." --unknown
No comments:
Post a Comment