Not Sure.

So we are going to the doctor tomorrow to see if anything is wrong inside or anything like that. I am scared honestly. I am afraid that they will find nothing and have no other answers for me. Or find something that make take years to fix. I have been reading a book that my chiropractor said to read, and that is giving me more hope about the progesterone cream but still I am sure that isn't the complete answer nor will it solve all of my problems. That just seems too easy and quick. I am not trying to get my hopes up, and I am not sure what to think about tomorrow. I am not as apprehensive as I thought I would be the night before we see the doc, but maybe that is because I have taught myself how to not get my hopes up. I am glad I have finally learned that.

I have also read a book that I think every single person should read no matter what. It is called "Drawing on the powers of heaven" by Grant Von Harrison. It's a short little book but it is so powerful. I think that everyone should read that book. It's amazing. It teaches you how important it is to have real faith and how to receive it. I realized as I read this book that this trial is necessary for me to become the kind of person I am supposed to be. I am being sanctified and my faith is being tested. This will make me a stronger more worthy person if I stay close to the Heavenly Father.

I had some thoughts today...well I have had them for awhile, but I was really thinking about it today. I realized that this is my only real trial. I know that might sound weird but here was the train of thought: I have a perfect (I know people don't think that is possible, but I am being completely honest here) perfect marriage to the most amazing/selfless/fun man who was more than my dreams who is also my best friend to whom I have been married to since I was 19, a wonderful righteous family who are also my best friends, good health, a great opportunity to go to school (with which I am also finished!!), a strong faith/love for the gospel/my savior and everything else I could ask for. I am completely satisfied. I am so glad that I don't have to suffer with a less than perfect marriage, a weird/bad family life or anything else. This makes me grateful for my trial because at least I have a strong faith, wonderful husband and awesome family (among many other great things in my life) to help support me. And all this is doing is making me a stronger and better person. I know that I am always saying how grateful I am for this trial, but that is because I feel that way. Sure I have hard days when I realize I am not getting any younger and I am afraid of how much longer this will take. But honestly, my thoughts always come back to how I am so thankful and grateful because of the help and strength I have received. So yes, honestly, I am grateful for this trial.

"God will feel after you, and he will take hold of you and wrench your very heart stringd, and if you cannot stand it you will not be fit for an inheritance ub the celestial kingdom of God."
--Joseph Smith